Mom's Bookshelf - Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos

Three words for you: celebrity adoption book.

Gah!

Usually I run like crazy from this sort of thing. I mean, as adoptive parents, we've already had our share of inane comparisons to a certain megawatt celebrity couple (yes, because that's why we chose adoption to build our family - we thought it was trendy. Sheesh.)

But Nia Vardalos's book seemed promising. First, because I adore My Big Fat Greek Wedding (you know you do too). Second, because the blurb mentioned her struggles with fertility. And third, because she chose a route that is somewhat unusual for a celebrity - foster adoption.

And remarkably, Instant Mom does not disappoint. Sure, there's the requisite name-dropping, but it's done with a light touch - you get the sense that Vardalos isn't so much wanting her readers to be bowled over by her celebrity friends as she is proud of her very cool support network. And yes, she's got help in raising her daughter and keeping up her home. But really, like any one of us would pass up the chance to have someone  mop our kitchen floor? I sure wouldn't!

What works so well about this memoir is Vardalos's authenticity. She is unsparing in her honesty, about her feelings as she struggles to balance fame with her desire to be a mom, about her emotional ups and downs during fertility treatments, and then about her search for the right method to motherhood. She tells of a harrowing experience at the fertility clinic that finally convinced her and husband Ian Gomez to look into adoption. And she states forthrightly that though foster adoption worked for them, it isn't the strategy for everyone.

I also love her description of the early days with her daughter. Vardalos relates that, though she and her husband adored their little girl right away, it was clear that the feeling wasn't 100% mutual. Though their daughter wants to bond with them, she's also scared - so there's plenty of acting out and testing limits, all of which Vardalos and Gomez negotiate their way around with common sense and a healthy dose of humor (plus some help from Nia's mom). She describes the feeling of wanting it all to appear perfect, when in reality no one's getting much sleep and everyone is adjusting to this new arrangement, including the family dog. And she talks about that sensation of not being able to fully take a deep breath until their adoption is finalized -- the fear that something, anything, will interrupt the joy her family is experiencing at last.

So many adoption stories end with the placement. It's the perfect "happily ever after", isn't it? And we all want to think there's nothing but sunshine and Skittles after the social workers leave. But Vardalos dares to go further, and talk about what it's like to parent a hurt and fearful child, when you're not completely sure what you're doing -- and truly, who ever is? She's frank about the big issues, like sleep, which is a huge issue right at first. (She and Gomez switch off sleeping in their daughter's room, and inch by inch they ease her to a full night on her own. Sound familiar?) This is reality, and even though the parents are celebrities, they're living the experience we all know well, of bonding with a child whose story extends so far beyond the walls of your home, and whose presence in your life may be a dream come true, but isn't always 100% camera-ready.

This was a quick read, and a worthwhile one, not just because I became an instant mom myself when my son was handed over to me in Addis Ababa, but also because I know the feelings Vardalos describes. I've lived them, and they've been terrifying and glorious. There's fear here, and uncertainty, but delight and laughter too -- and at the end of the day, instant or not, that's what family truly is.

Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos, published by HarperCollins
Adult
Source: Library
Sample: "By the way, the only term I disagree with some on is 'adoptive mom.' Why the qualifying adjective? Why not just 'mom'? I've been introduced on talk shows as 'adoptive mom Nia Vardalos.' Um, once you've wiped a butt, you're a mom."
Recommended

Mom's Bookshelf - The Book of Happiness: Africa by Joseph Peter

You know what's great about book people - once they hear about a particular subject you're interested in, every time they come across something related to it, they can't help but share it with you. I'm guilty of this myself (as many who have had books eagerly foisted upon them by me can attest). And I love love love when it happens to me in reverse. Because let's be honest, even I can't spot every cool book on my lonesome, no matter how hard I try.

Today's pick is a perfect case-in-point, as it's one that one of our catalogers found and alerted me to. Though I like to think I'm pretty savvy with what's coming out in the world of kidlit, this one is an adult title, so it completely passed under my radar. And I'm so glad that Kim pointed it out, because it is an absolute keeper, one anyone with any sort of connection to Africa needs on their bookshelf. Really.

The story behind Joseph Peter's The Book of Happiness: Africa is a pretty terrific one. In 2010 Peter, a photographer and former pro soccer player, traveled the continent of Africa, visiting 50 countries in 75 days as part of the FIFA World Cup Trophy Tour. While he was there, he ended up shooting an incredible amount of images. The bulk of these were portraits of the faces of Africa, people from all regions and walks of life. When the project was completed, Peter had a stunning collection of photos, a selection of which are compiled in this volume, a twin to one that Peter made and presented as a gift to Nelson Mandela.

And let me tell you, the photos in this book are stunning. Jaw-dropping, heart-stopping. For all those who refer to Africa as though it were one country, waiting to be rescued by wealthy foreigners -- this book is the rebuttal to that argument. Here is the gorgeous diversity that comes from a continent of extraordinary richness. Here are the faces of Africans, celebratory and joyful, mischievous and sweet, elated and proud. Here is the fabric of life in a world of contradictions and contrasts, bursting from the page to bring a smile to every reader's face.

Peter has given the world a truly incredible piece of art in this collection, something that kids and adults alike will enjoy. I love that he's included a short blurb about each photo in the back, including where it was taken and some thoughts about the photo. All the photos are collected in an incredible montage of Nelson Mandela's face, that closes the book in perfect harmony. We couldn't get enough of looking at this title as a family, and explaining to Sprout that all of these faces were Africans, just like him, as we pointed out the countries where they lived.

Next time someone refers to "African" traditions or "African" people, whip out this terrific book and help them see how truly complex is the makeup of this diverse continent. And help them too see the joy in Africa, the pure and uncomplicated beauty that is manifested by the faces seen here through Peter's lens. Because yes, there's poverty, and yes, there's war. But there's hope too, and honor, and sheer delight in the bounty of life.

And that, my friends, is real happiness.

The Book of Happiness: Africa by Joseph Peter, published by Spiegel & Grau
All ages
Source: Library

Mom's Bookshelf -- Show Me a Story by Leonard S. Marcus

Now that our 30 Days of Picture Books series is over, you may have noticed it's been a bit quieter here on the Bookshelf. It's not that we've stopped reading -- far from it -- but more that I took a bit of a break over the weekend to focus on end-of-the-semester projects. I so enjoyed doing the 30 Days writing that I was tempted to keep on with one post a day until the end of the year, but sanity prevailed when I realized how much research and writing looms ahead for school. So while I might be posting a little more infrequently over the next couple of weeks, rest assured that I'm still here.

In the meantime, we have been busily working on some other projects. First are our Pinterest boards. If you haven't jumped on the Pinterest bandwagon I really commend you, but I've jumped in with both feet. I love this site for creating booklists -- so much more visual and interesting to look at than a list of linked titles! Our most recent additions include boards for Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Christmas, as well as a board of Kidlit for Global Citizens. It's been so much fun compiling these lists, and I encourage you to use them to build a library list or as gift ideas. And as always, we'd love to hear what your favorite holiday reads are, so we can pin those as well.

Last year I did a very popular project called 12 Days of Christmas Picture Books. Each day we shared a Christmas favorite, many of which were multicultural titles. The idea for that series came about when Sprout and I were (where else) at the library, and I overheard someone mention that "It's so hard to find Christmas stories from other countries." That of course got me to thinking about the need for diversity in holiday literature, so I began to dig deep and come up with some excellent books. We're planning to continue the tradition this year, and I've been keeping a list of candidate titles for the past 12 months. If your favorite multicultural Christmas title wasn't covered in last year's posts, please pass it on so we can work it in for this year's 12 Days.

And so, you may ask, have I been reading anything besides picture books for the past 30 days? Well as it happens, I have, and not just required reading for class either. Partway through the month I started reading Leonard S. Marcus's book Show Me A Story: Why Picture Books Matter, which is a title that's been on my TBR list since it came out in the spring. Folks, if you love kidlit, you HAVE to track this book down (if it's not in your library, suggest it as a purchase: your local librarians will love it too!). Sprout's a little miffed every time he picks it up because he thinks it's written by Mo Willems (reference the cover art) and then he says, quite disappointed, "This is just a grown-up book."

Marcus is well-known in kidlit circles as a researcher and writer, and he's penned some incredible books about the creation of children's books. In Show Me A Story, Marcus compiles his interviews with more than 20 of the world's best-loved children's illustrators. Many of our favorites are here: Ashley Bryan, Kevin Henkes, Jerry Pinkney, Robert McCloskey, Yumi Heo, and others too. After reading through so many picture books in a month, it was especially fun to read these revealing interviews about the art and craft of creating books for children. This is the kind of book you dip into from time to time, for inspiration or to connect with a favorite creator. I'm not an especially creative person myself, but I'm fascinated by the creative process, so this kind of voyeuristic read is right up my alley (really need to make sure Santa knows that!).

One of the best quotes I came across (and there are tons), is one from Kevin Henkes: "I love having something for the adult who is reading to the child. But I try to keep in mind at all times that the book is for the child. I don't want any of that extra layer to interfere with the main objective, which is to make an entertaining book for a kid." Beautifully said, Mr. Henkes! And I dare say it's why we love to read his books as well.

Show Me a Story by Leonard S. Marcus, published by Candlewick Press
Adult
Source: Library
Sample: From the Foreward by David Wiesner "And nowhere is visual humor explored more fully than in the picture book. Possibly only Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton could equally run the gamut from gentle kidding to sophisticated wit to pie-in-the-face slapstick to anarchic postmodernism."
Recommended

Mom's Bookshelf - How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm by Mei-Ling Hopgood

When it comes to parenting notions, most of us don't stray too far outside the realm of what we know to be true. We might do what our parents did, or actively try not to do what they did. We consult parenting books that receive high marks, check out websites, seek out the advice of other moms and dads for particularly thorny issues. But most of us don't look much beyond our cultural comfort zone when considering how to discipline our kiddos or what time we should be putting them to bed.

And then there's Mei-Ling Hopgood.

Hopgood and her husband were thrilled to add daughter Sofia to their family, while living abroad in Argentina. Pretty much everything the couple knew about kids they had learned through their own cornfed American upbringings. Essential gear? Strollers and pull-ups. Approved play? Mommy and me. Sleeping arrangements? Bedtime and crib for one.

But then Hopgood started noticing how Argentine parents treated bedtime - more of a suggestion than anything, with young kids present in restaurants and out and about far later than American children generally are. Digging deeper, Hopgood found the roots of this practice in the culture of her adopted homeland. What she found was less about sleep habits and more about what the Argentine approach to bedtime says about their attitude toward children as a whole. And far from negligent parenting (which is, let's be honest, what most of us might think here if we saw kids eating dinner at 10 p.m.), in Argentina it's considered an important part of family togetherness.

This led Mei-Ling Hopgood to begin exploring parenting practices around the globe, compiling her findings in the fascinating book How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm: And Other Adventures in Parenting. Hopgood's research is incredibly insightful, as she digs into why Mayan children participate (happily!) in household chores and how French moms and dads get their children (willingly!) eating veggies. In each case that Hopgood examines, we learn a little something about the particular cultural norms that are transmitted from parent to child, and how those norms support the larger values and beliefs of that cultural system.

As an undergrad sociology/anthropology major, this stuff is right up my alley, and it really made me think about why we hold the beliefs we do about proper nutrition, playtime, and yes, even bedtime. Much of what we do is in all honesty pretty arbitrary, when it all comes down to it. And in fact it could just be that the Japanese are on to something when they let kids work out their own petty squabbles with -- shock of shocks! -- little or no adult intervention. Can you imagine??!

Though I'm not giving up our stroller just yet, I'll admit that Hopgood makes some pretty intriguing points here. And if nothing else, I'll feel a lot less guilty next time we stay up a little past bedtime.

Mom's Bookshelf - The Reading Promise by Alice Ozma

As a parent, I stand pretty firmly on the notion that one of the greatest gifts I can give Sprout is a love of reading. Lots of reasons for that -- books open your mind to new worlds, give you possibilities you would never otherwise have dreamed of, allow endless opportunities for exploration, hone and refine literacy skills that will serve you in great stead, and provide huge amounts of enjoyment on a daily basis. What could be better? And I'm well aware that the best way to spark that love is through example, by filling our house with books and reading as much as we can, both individually and as a family.

I'd like to say that we've read to Sprout every day since he's been a part of our home. The percentage of days we have read to him certainly outweighs those we haven't. But I can't guarantee that we haven't missed a night here or there -- life goes awry sometimes, even with the best laid plans.

So that's why the story of Alice Ozma and her father Jim is particularly awe-inspiring to me. When Alice Ozma was nine years old, she and her elementary school librarian dad made a pact to read together for 100 nights in a row. Big commitment, but they made it. And then that 100 become 1000, and the 1000 turned into "The Streak", 3218 consecutive nights that Jim read aloud to Alice. From fourth grade until the night before she started college.

Impressed? Me too.

Alice Ozma writes about The Streak in her new book The Reading Promise: My Father and the Books We Shared. But the title is a bit misleading. Yes, Alice talks a bit about some of the books they read together, but the bulk of the book is about Alice's relationship with her dad, and the way that relationship influenced the rest of her life and the choices she made. From the opening anecdote, where Alice and Jim are reading together on a train and someone asks them why (who would do that, BTW? Wouldn't you just silently applaud??), it's pretty clear that the bond between this father and daughter runs amazingly deep. Though Alice's mother makes some brief appearances, her dad appears to have been the center point around which Alice's life turned. And the reading seems to have been the bond that kept the two connected, even through the aftermath of parental divorce and the tumult of the teenage years.

Parts of this memoir made me laugh right out loud: Jim's stubborn insistence on reading despite a wicked bout of laryngitis ("you are like some sort of voiceless alien" Alice tells him); Alice's sales pitches to drum up business for her dad's book fair ("Books are collectors' items, especially if you collect books"); Jim's efforts to eradicate Alice's irrational yet persistent fear that her room is haunted by the ghost of JFK ("Would I be talking to you so calmly if the body of an ex-president was lying on your bottom bunk?"). But other parts are incredibly moving, such as Alice's sister leaving home and the end of The Streak, which, though impossibly sad, is, of course, inevitable. At the end I was compelled to go back and read Jim's introduction, feeling, now that I knew their story, a thousand times more moved by a father's words.

Not many parents still read to their nine-year-olds, although if you asked them I'm pretty certain that most nine-year-olds would secretly love to be read to. But Jim Brozina did, and he kept reading long past the point where everyone else would have given up. And that, as they say, made all the difference.

If you already read to your kiddo, as we do, you probably don't need any encouragement to keep on doing so. But maybe you'd like a glimpse into the future, to see what could be, the outcome of the bond forged by sharing books together. Here's one such glimpse, and it couldn't be better.

The Reading Promise by Alice Ozma, published by Hachette
Adult
Source: Library
Sample quote: "We were already good at routines, but The Streak was anything but. Every night was different because every story was different. Even when a book started to drag, as some did late in the second half, there was still the thrill of getting closer to our goal to make things a little more interesting. But as my father told him, and as anyone who reads regularly might agree, the only thing that has to be similar from night to night is the act of turning pages."
Highly recommended